Today i had a discussion with my friend whether it is a nice idea to have a girlfriend that too who is studying with you in the same college. He was saying that having this kind of relationship in college becomes a burden in various ways, while i thought differently. So through this post i will try to bring out the positive as well as the negative side and will leave you to decide whats best for you.
My friend says that once in this kind of relationship you dont give time to your old friends. You end up spending more time with her. This i feel is true as it as your girlfriend being near you gives you the opportunity to spend a lot of time with her but at the same time gives you less time to spend with you old friends. I have seen nobody till date who has been able to maintain the balance between his friends and girl friend or maybe like they say grass is always greener on the side. I mean what if his friends feel he does not spend the same amount of time with him while what if he feels that the time he is giving his friends now should be sufficent.While the usual pros and cons of having a gf are always there so i dont think there is any point of elaborating them.
I guess the thing is that both sides miss some essential facts like the Guy forgets that maybe down the line his friends might feel hurt because the place which they occupied in his life is now taken by someone else while his friends become a little self centered as they feel that their place is being threatened but they miss the point that as the guy is happy maybe this is what he always wanted. They forget to him to his personal space.
In short all this is crap with each side being adamnant that they are correct as his friends feel he has changed while he feels that his friends have changed or become more hostile towards thus both sides lose out good frienship in the long run. Sometimes i wish things like these should not come with a price attached.
PS:With this post i would like all those people who ever had a gf within the same college please share their experince so that others can learn
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12 comments:
Even i would wish that this wish of yours come true "Sometimes i wish things like these should not come with a price attached."
I know you will never agree with me.
It hurts when you remain the same and the other guy changes with time.
So you tend to expect things which used to be pretty common sometime back but now it seems very improbable.
You gain something but you lose something else in the process.
You make choices in life and at the end of the day, it boils down to the same thing.
No one can have everything. And nobody wants to lose anything either. So your stuck somewhere in between and confused.
A friend of mine once told me that the people you grow up with from childhood are the only true friends you have in life.
May be he was right after all.
I beg to differ. Its not about having a girlfriend or anything. The basic point is, what the guy wants. Yes, it might be true that he then devotes less than the 'requisite' time with his other friends, but, who is to decide that time? The guy himself.
If we are to consider the other side of the coin, when we attach ourselves to anyone, then we start expecting things from them. So is it right on our part to attach?
People do change, and its a part of life, and maybe beyond, but then, friendship is a one sided relationship. If you consider one to be your friend, you will go out of the way to help them out when they ask you for it, or when you feel they need it. But, why should you expect anything in return?
Friends are to be loved, and love, is an unconditional feeling, with no returns except a smile on the person's face.
Well ashwin if you read carefully i have presented both the views firstly how friends feel about it and secondly from the guys perspective.You are definitely right that we should not get attached and should not expect anything but we are humans are emotional so we tend to get attached.Well as far as my view on this is concerned it is none till now all i know is both sides are right to a certain extent,i guess the only viable solution is that both sides sit and talk to each other then they might be able to reach a common consensus.
I just presented my viewpoint. I am not defending any side. If you read carefully.
Oops sorry my mistake i guess what you meant that the topic is wrong that whether one should have a gf in college or not..hmm i guess at that point when i was writing the post and at the time of conversation with my friend this seemed to be most appropriate.
How can you say friendship is one sided. If it's one sided then it never lasts. Feeling has to be mutual. Love is never one sided. If it is then it only causes pain and suffering.
People move on but they don't forget their friends. They don't start behaving like strangers.
People smile at strangers that doesn't make them friends. Some are for namesake while others tend to pull on with you irrespective of what good or bad lies within you.
Then again it's up to you whom you call friends. People who smile at you or those whom you will remember and be remembered even after college.
I say friendship is one sided, because it is. How does an unconditional relationship bring you pain and suffering? Ask yourself this question first before asking me how I can say this.
Friendships are not based on the idea of trades. You don't always get what you invested in a relationship, you always get much more than you can imagine. Even a moment of happiness is worth all the pain that you have taken upon yourself. As soon as you see that smile, or that moment of happiness, you are content with your effort. I am. Hence I said what I said.
Given a chance, I would do it again.
If you follow the idea of a trade, then you are in trouble. Because then you don't make friends, you make trade partners. "Give me this, and I will give you that." Is this what you are saying?
As far as the friends going strangers, you look in their eyes, and you will see what you want to.
And lastly, if you are here to make a mark about being remembered, just wait and see that after 20 years, when your estranged friends tell their children wacky stories about yourself and them, then you will see, you already have made a mark.
If at the end of the line, you have given your 'friends' even a single happy thought that might later bring a smile to their face, have you not given them your memory?
i don't see friendship as business.
ignoring friends takes place in the beginning phase of relationships, during which i think friends should suck in their ego and let the person in question hang out with gf as much as he/she wants. its the first phase, if he really values your friendship, he will come back.
But if the person changes completely and doesn't come back to you, then you never had that person as a real friend.
Thats the way i see it. I guess even i've suffered from/caused this sudden imbalance/change.
Good words.
"friends should suck in their ego"
It's easy to be philosophical when you don't understand the practical situation.
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